


This Is Fine

by Fox_Sister



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Ben is hopeless, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Poor thing, Roommates, This is crack, background stormpilot, look this is just fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-21 10:49:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14913969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fox_Sister/pseuds/Fox_Sister
Summary: Rey moves in with Ben and of course this causes no problems whatsoever.





	This Is Fine

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Everyone!
> 
> This fic is a first for me in two big ways! This is the first even remotely crack-y sort of fic I've ever written. It's also the first (gasp) straight one that I've written. Let's hope this all works out!
> 
> Enjoy!

This was a mistake.

This was a horrible, horrible mistake, and if Ben could have, he would run from this whole situation, back into the security and peace of a lonely life with no roommates.

But he couldn’t run, its was too late. He lay in bed trying very hard to ignore the moans coming from Rey’s room, and could only mentally punish himself for the terrible mistake he had made.

He turned up the music on his headphones as another squeal of pleasure sounded through the wall, and for about the hundredth time in the past hour alone, Ben regret every decision he made that brought him there.

***

Ben, for the record blames New York City rent, and that he blames on the real estate market, and that he blames on developers, and that he blames on the mayor.

That’s it, he has to go back in time and kill the mayor. It’s the only way to make things right.

No, no, that’s not it. If Ben had a time machine, what he would really go back and change is that one night at a bar in the East Village where this all began. 

He had needed a roommate and fast. Ben’s last one, Hux, had turned out to be a total disaster, and Ben had turned out to be allergic to hux’s pet cat. 

His friend Poe, always quick to help, had made it his mission to find a new roommate for Ben, and within a week he had found someone.

“How do you know her again?” Ben said, taking a sip of beer.

“She’s Finn’s best friend since about forever.” Poe glanced out the window at the groups of people walking by. “Honestly I don’t know how I didn’t think of her earlier.” His eyes lit up as he spotted his boyfriend walking up the street. Poe glanced back at Ben devilishly “Now, you’re not going to go and fuck this roommate too, right?”

“Oh, shut the fuck up.” Ben rolled his eyes, but avoided Poe’s smile.

Oh yeah. That was the reason Hux had turned out to be a disaster. Ben realized now that he, in fact, was the disaster, a human Hindenburg, but back then it was so easy to blame everything on Hux being an uptight drama queen who couldn’t handle causal anything, let alone sex.

“Well you’re more into guys anyway, right?”

“Why are we talking about this before I meet my new roommate?”

“No reason!” Poe turned to wave at Finn walking into the bar, behind him was the woman Poe had told Ben about. Up until then, he had only seen pictures of her on Facebook, but now Ben understood why Poe had been teasing him, she was way prettier in person.

“Hi!” She walked up the the table, smile brighter than the sun, hand outstretched “I’m Rey!”

Ben has replayed this moment a lot in his life. What if he had been ruder? Pushed her away? What if he had just moved on to his original plan to live with a total stranger he found online?

But he had done none of those things, instead, they had a great conversation about books they both liked, and old cars, and even had a debate over Aleister Crowley and oh he should have known to run right then and there. Then, like a total fucking idiot, Ben had offered to buy Rey’s drinks for the night as thanks for “saving him.” What a fool. What an absolute dolt.

***

When Rey moved in, she brought a jungle with her.

She mentioned that she loved plants, but Ben had underestimated just how much she loved them. Rey stacked the windowsills with herbs, hung long, dangling plants by the kitchen sink, she even put plants in the bathroom, which Ben didn’t realize was a thing you could do.

It was nice, actually, Hux and him had both been too goth for their own good. Hux, for instance, had a giant crucifix unironically hanging on his door, and candles to Santa Muerte burning at all times around the apartment. Why did Ben sleep with him again? 

Rey, on the other hand, was bright, and warm, and seemed to light up any room she walked into. Ben had helped her unpack, and all her stuff was minimalist, pale, and nearly as pretty as her.

After Poe and Finn had left that first day that she moved in, Ben and Rey stood in the living room, formulating a plan for what would go where.

“I can, um, take this down if you aren’t into it.” Ben pointed to the giant Evil Dead poster that hung next to the TV.

“Are you kidding?” Rey laughed “I love that movie.

“Yeah?” Ben said “I didn’t peg you for a horror fan.”

“Oh, looks can be deceiving.” How was her smile so infectious?

“What’s your favorite?” Ben asked, taking a box labeled ‘plates’ into the kitchen.

“Tough call, but I really love Alien. You?”

“I’m a total cliche,” Ben, leaned against the counter “I love The Shining.”

Rey pressed her lips together.

“What?”

“You want to know something embarrassing?” She wrung her hands together and wiggled back and forth and oh man, it may have been the cutest thing Ben had witnessed up until that point. “I’ve never seen it.”

“What!” Ben threw his arms up in mock anger “You call yourself a horror fan?”

“I know! I know!” Rey giggled, actually fucking giggled. 

“Ok, that’s it. We are watching The Shining and ordering food as an official act of your first night here.”

There was that smile again “Deal.”

***

That first night, Ben got the sneaking suspicion he was doomed. 

He and Rey sat on the couch, the table in front of them covered in half-eaten Chinese food, the movie playing on the raised TV. Normally, Ben couldn’t stand people making any noise when a movie was playing, but Rey was full on emoting, squeaking and squealing, and shaking her head at the screen, and Ben’s couldn’t care less.

Well, ok, it was less that he didn’t care and more that he found it, endearing, and also, if he was being honest, pretty cute.

Then it happened, at a particularly good jump scare near the end where Jack Nicholson puts an axe through someone, Rey jumped to her right and clung to Ben’s arm with a squeal. 

Fuck. Fuck! What was that? Ben didn’t move, didn’t say anything, he simply glanced down at Rey holding tightly to his arm while his heart threatened to beat out of his chest. 

After the scene had ended Ben cleared his throat “Um, you ok?” He could smell her shampoo from here, she was so close. It smelled like honey.

“What? Me?” Rey looked up into his eyes for a moment before quickly letting go of his arm and sitting back “Yeah, fine.” She looked embarrassed, and even in the near pitch black room Ben could tell she was blushing. Adorable, too adorable. “I’m sorry.”

He laughed and said as casually as he could “It’s ok, I jumped the first time too.” 

After that they settled back into silence on opposite sides of the couch, which suddenly felt much longer, and Ben tried to ignore the slight burn he felt on his arm the rest of the night.

***

Things only really went down from there. 

Oh they got along, really well actually, that was sort of the problem. Rey didn’t seem to mind Ben’s grumpiness in the morning, or at night, or really at all, and Rey herself was as clean and caring of a roommate as Ben had ever had. Sometimes, when their schedules would line up, they would hang out and just talk for hours. They had only been living together a little over a month, but Ben already felt like he had known her for years.

It turned out Rey had lived in Arizona for years and hated it, that’s why she needed plants everywhere. It also turned out that she was an orphan who had spent most of her life going from foster home to foster home, which is how she met Finn. She was also a beast at most video games and couldn’t hold her liquor for shit. After awhile, Ben started canceling plans so he could hang out with her more, he started to text her throughout the day when he saw something that reminded him of Rey. 

And, like the big dumb idiot that he was, Ben kept ignoring the way his heart would feel a little lighter when she walked into a room, and a little heavier when she walked out. 

The first day Ben started to realize, or let himself realize, that maybe his feelings towards Rey weren’t 100% pure platonic friendship was on a warm day in mid-september. 

Rey was a very active person. She loved working out, and fixed up old cars for extra cash. Intuitively, Ben must have known this gave her a great body, but he didn’t actually know until one day, when their schedules were misaligned, and Ben was standing in the kitchen when Rey came in the door.

She was wearing nothing but sweatpants and a sports bra, her hair done up in it’s normal messy bun, sweaty, and a little bit of engine grease under one eye. 

“Oh, hey there!” She chirped as she walked into the kitchen, and Christ on the cross Ben almost spit out his water. Rey was hot, like, really hot.

Piece of shit. He thought to himself as he turned around and pretended to look for something in the fridge. Objectifying her in her own home, what an asshole you are. 

“Everything cool?” Rey walked over to the sink to fill up her water bottle.

“Yep.” Ben kept his gaze on the half full bottle of soy sauce of the second shelf of the fridge, which suddenly was very fascinating to him. 

“Ugh, work was such a pain today.” Rey leaned over Ben to grab ice from the freezer and oh no, her boobs were way too close to his face. This was bad.

_You’re a terrible human being._ Ben’s mind roared at him and he decided lemons. Lemons were what he was looking for in the fridge. _Think about how many times she got catcalled today in that outfit. The last thing she needs is to come home to someone like you who is going to sexualize her all over again._

_I know. I know. I know. I know. I know…_

“Ben?” 

He turned to look at Rey, with her beautiful brown eyes, and her strong arms, and oh man he was so fucked. 

“You have something on your face.” He said, pointing to the grease.

She blinked and touched her face. “Oh, did I get it?”

“No,” Ben leaned forward and wiped his thumb over her cheek and lord in the highest heaven she was so soft.

_ASSHOLE._

“Got it.”

“Thanks!” Rey smiled and looked up at him, but there was no way their gazes lingered. No way that her gaze softened into his own. There was no fucking way.

 

***

 

That was bad, but it was nothing compared to what would happen two weeks later.

By all accounts, the world should have ended on this day. Ben will probably always look back on it as his own personal Bay of Pigs, a moment where, had he been even the tiniest bit less tactful, and he and everything he loved would have died.

It was his fault it happened at all in the first place. He should have warned Rey when he gave he the tour, should have told her when she first moved in. But no, he was an idiot, a big dumb, dummy.

You see, the bathroom door has a terrible lock. If, say it was a day like this, where one too many windows were open in the apartment, and a breeze blew just in the right way, then it would be enough to create a vacuum and…

The door had blown open just as Ben was walking to his room, in a totally normal way! And he had jumped at the sudden motion and looked into the bathroom, like a totally normal person would! But there, inside the bathroom, was a totally not normal site that Ben caught a glimpse of, for only a second!

He spun around and put his hands in the air like he was about to be arrested. Rey let out a squeak and Ben could hear her grab a towel.

“I’m sorry!” Ben said, his face burning red “I’m so, so sorry. The door-it just flew open.”

Rey laughed, and it was light and honest and did make Ben feel a tiny bit better, but he could still sense the embarrassment in her voice. 

“It’s ok! This door sucks doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it really does.” Ben said, his face still turned away “I’m still sorry.”

“Hey, it’s not the first time someone’s seen me naked.”

Fuck. _FUCK. _Why did she have to make a joke like that? Now Ben couldn’t help but picture her…__

__“You can turn around now.”_ _

__He did, slowly letting his arms fall as he was met with the sight of Rey in a fluffy white towel, her tanned skin still dappled with water, hair wet._ _

__“See? Totally decent human being.”_ _

__Ben gulped. “Yeah, heh, um sorry again, maybe we should get the landlord to look at that door.” He turned and walked down the hall before Rey could say anything else. Maybe it was rude, but Ben didn’t feel like he could stand to be around her any longer and still consider himself to be a good roommate._ _

__He sat on his bed and sighed, hands gripping his knees as he stared at the wall._ _

__Ben tried to fight it, but in the end couldn’t help it. He was, after all, only human, and his mind began to fill in the blanks of what he had just seen. All of the pink, and white, and dark, began to swirl in his mind and oh no he was really picturing Rey naked and, wait, where did that bed come from? And why was she sucking on one of his fingers, and-_ _

__No. He was not going to do this. Rey was an amazing, smart, funny, kind **roommate** , and that was all she was ever going to be. Ben wasn’t about to fuck up another living situation, let alone lose another friend, because he couldn’t keep it in his pants._ _

__Speaking of in his pants, he had a bit of a problem there. Ben sighed and bit his lip. These are the choices one looks back on, the choices that make a person: Does one jerk off while thinking about their friends, or not?_ _

__Ben groaned into a pillow. Maybe if he did he could just get it out of his system, afterall, he didn’t jerk off thinking about Hux, they just sort of...went for it. Maybe if he just…_ _

__No. Ben was a good person, and a good person would never use a moment when a friend was vulnerable and exposed to picture them in this way. Ben was a good person, and Rey was…_ _

___So bad, you know that, right? You know what happens when girls like you behave badly?_ _ _

___Please, Ben! Please fuck me!_ _ _

__No. NO! This wasn’t going to happen. This was the last thing he or Rey needed in their lives. Ben needed a roommate who actually liked him, and Rey needed…_ _

___“...you to fuck me from behind. Please!”_ _ _

___He reaches a hand down and she’s was already sipping wet. “That’s a good girl.”_ _ _

__Ben sighed and mentally apologized a million times as he unzipped his pants._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__Ben hated parties. He avoided them whenever he could, and when he couldn’t it was usually because Poe had dragged him out to some NYC rooftop, or random wearhouse, or a particularly memorable one that turned into a BDSM club halfway through. Ben actually had liked that one._ _

__“So how is life with Rey?” Poe yelled over the music._ _

__“Hrm? Oh, she’s great. Thanks again for introducing us.”_ _

__This particular party was in a far too cramped New York City apartment. Ben had invited Rey along, but said said she would meet up later. Something about wanting to catch up with Finn and pregame._ _

__Poe smiled “Have you two fucked yet?”_ _

__Ben almost spit out his beer “Excuse me?”_ _

__“Just wondering!”_ _

__“No.” Ben glared down at him._ _

__“Wow, two whole months and you haven’t fucked your roommate! I’m impressed.”_ _

__“Why do you even care?”_ _

__Poe leaned back against the wall and raised an eyebrow “Oh, so you want to fuck, you just haven’t yet.”_ _

__Ben thought about lying, but knew that Poe would be able to see through it anyway. Besides, he was starting to think he needed someone to talk to about the whole thing._ _

__“She’s very beautiful,” Ben said slowly._ _

__“Ah! I knew it!”_ _

__“But! It’s just lust, nothing else.” He crossed his arms against the look Poe was giving him “There are no bigger feelings there, I’m not going to fuck up another situation over hormones. I learned my lesson.” He sipped his drink and looked over at a group of people unsuccessfully trying to get a dancefloor going in a living room that was hardly bigger than the kitchen._ _

__“Damn, you’ve really grown up.” Poe said “I’m almost disappointed.”_ _

__“Sorry you won’t get to see a show.”_ _

__Poe glanced at something over his shoulder and smiled “Oh, I don’t know about that.”_ _

__Before Ben could say anything, he felt two small hands on his back. He turned and looked down to see Rey smiling up at him._ _

__“Ben!” She said an oh, she was very drunk “Ben, I didn’t know you would be here!”_ _

__“Really? I thought I told you-”_ _

__“Ben!” Rey put her tiny hands on his chest and Ben immediately felt warm all over “Do you want to see something cool?”_ _

__“Um, sure.”_ _

__“Yes! Ok, follow me!” She took his hand and led him through the crowd. Ben glanced back at Poe, who gave him a wave and a knowing smile._ _

__Rey led him out of the living room and down the hallway to a place that was somehow empty “Looklooklook!” She pointed out the window and Ben mentally upgraded her from very drunk to extremely drunk “You can see the whole skyline!”_ _

__You really could, all of New York could be seen from this part of Brooklyn. The lights shimmered in the clear, cool air of late Fall._ _

__“It’s beautiful.” Ben said._ _

__“Yeah,” Rey turned and Ben looked down to see her biting her lip, the same mischievous look on her face she only got when she was going to beat him at a card game “You are too.”_ _

__Before Ben could even process what was happening, Rey leaned up, pulled him down by the neck, and kissed him full on the lips._ _

__Something in Ben’s brain broke. It was far from a graceful, or even “good” kiss, but it was Rey, and him, and it was her lips on his, and her hand on his neck, and hip, and any illusions Ben had built up about this being just lust, or a feeling he would get over went flying out the window and into that beautiful skyline._ _

__There was, however, one issue._ _

__Rey pulled back and smiled, only to bat her eyes, and tip forward, the alcohol finally hitting her._ _

__“Rey,” Ben said, catching her “You’re drunk.”_ _

__“That’s all you gotta say?” She slurred at him as she swayed in his arms._ _

__“I’m taking you home.”_ _

__“Oh yeah?” She wiggled her eyebrows at him and Mary in heaven and all the saints she was so fucking cute._ _

__“Yes. You need to lay down.”_ _

__Rey seemed to protest the idea that her night was about to be over, but it didn’t matter. Ben was bigger and much stronger than her, and for once he used this to his advantage as he held his phone out of her reach and called a cab._ _

__On the way home, Rey oscillated between being half asleep and drooling on her shoulder, to wide awake and puking in the plastic bag Ben found in the back of the car._ _

__“I’m sorry,” She moaned as they got out of the car._ _

__“Why?”_ _

__“...m’sorry you’re missing the party.” Rey said, wrapping her arm around Ben’s waist as he guided her up the stairs, her warm weight pressing into him. “I’m sorry I’m gross.”_ _

__“It’s ok.”_ _

__Once inside Ben put her down on her bed and looked around the room. He picked up her crumpled pajamas from the floor and threw them at her. “Here, put these on while I get you water.”_ _

__

__“I don’t want to.”_ _

__“Rey…”_ _

__“I want to sleep.”_ _

__“And you will, but you’ll be more comfortable if you get changed.”_ _

__Rey seemed to think about this for a second, before nodding and reaching for the clothes. Ben turned to leave the room but stopped at the door when he heard Rey mumble something._ _

__“What’s that?”_ _

__“...With you. Sleep...with you.”_ _

__Ben bit his lip and left the room, pretending he didn’t head hear that. He went into the kitchen and filled up the biggest mug they had with water. He then grabbed two Advils and walked back to Rey’s room._ _

__“Can I come in?”_ _

__There was a pause, and Ben was afraid for a moment she had already passed out when finally “Yes.”_ _

__He walked in to find Rey in her pajamas, laying on top of the covers._ _

__“Drink this.” He said and handed her the mug._ _

__She did. Ben sat down next to her, and he didn’t mean to do it, but she was so drunk, and so cute, and so in need of care that Ben reached out and instinctively rubbed a hand on her back._ _

__“You feeling ok?”_ _

__Rey nodded “Better now.”_ _

__“Good, good.” Ben got up and took the mug from her. “Now, go to sleep.”_ _

__She glanced at him and her cheeks went a little red, maybe remembering what she had been saying just moments ago. However, she didn’t say anything, she simply nodded, and moved the blankets back._ _

__Ben leaned over and pulled the comforter over her body, tucking her in to make sure she was warm “I’ll get you more water for now, but let me know if you need anything else?”_ _

__“Mmm,” Rey was already halfway to sleep, Ben could tell “Ben?”_ _

__“Yes?”_ _

__“...Thank you.”_ _

__

__***_ _

__

__Ben had a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich on a bagel ready to go for Rey when she woke up the next day. He had walked the few extra blocks to the bodega he knew she liked. He also made sure to pick up a bottle of Rey’s favorite hot sauce and cranberry juice while he was at it._ _

__Rey wandered into the living room, bags under her eyes, minutes after he got back. She rubbed her head “Man, I was really drunk last night, wasn’t I?”_ _

__“You were.”_ _

__“Thank you for bringing me home, and giving me water and, yeah, just everything.”_ _

__It was no use pretending anymore, last night had shattered that part of Ben’s brain. He knew that right now, without question, all he wanted to do was stand up and hold her tight, and kiss her, and tell her she was fine and would feel better soon. He didn’t do any of that though, couldn’t do any of that, so instead he just shrugged and said,_ _

__“Hey, don’t mention it.”_ _

__She looked down at the spread on the table. “Did you get this for me?”_ _

__“Yep, just got back.”_ _

__Rey sat down next to him on the couch and looked at the tinfoil wrapped sandwich in awe “You’re seriously the best.”_ _

__“I try.”_ _

__Rey bit her lip and glanced over to Ben, then at the floor. “Ben, about last night. When I-”_ _

__“It’s alright!” Ben cut her off. He could live with her while knowing he could never have her, but he couldn’t bear to hear her actually say those words “We’ve all done stupid stuff when we were drunk.”_ _

__Rey looked up at him, and for a moment Ben thought he has said something wrong. There was something in her eyes, something painful, and maybe she was way more embarrassed about last night than he thought she would be._ _

__“Yeah, stupid.” Rey nodded and opened up her sandwich “Thanks for understanding.”_ _

__Ben smiled “Anytime!”_ _

__

__***_ _

__

__The week after all this happened, Ben had, hands down, the worst-day-in-the-history-of-the-entire-world-no-exageration-yes-he’s-aware-that-World-War-Two-is-a-thing-that-happened._ _

__For starters, he had to talk to his parents, which never went well, and never put him in a good mood. They were both basically legends, heroes to some people, his mother a pioneering senator and war hero and his dad a former actor with more than one award to his credit. as rebellious as Ben could be, it still hurt to live in their shadow._ _

__“We’re just worried, is all, Ben.”_ _

__“You have such potential, we don’t want you to waste it.”_ _

__“We’re happy with whatever you want to do, but…”_ _

__Ben, actually, had worked pretty hard to get over his childhood anger issues with his family. When he was young, everything made him angry and all it took was a tiny push to send him over the edge and into a full fledged tantrum._ _

__He was much better now. Years of therapy and meditation had actually paid off, but still every now and then a conversation with his parents would set him off, and that old, angry self of his from his youth would emerge, like a totally different entity took over his body._ _

__This, on top of the fact that something strange had settled between him and Rey since the party, had him in a pretty bad mood. He wasn’t sure what it was between them, but Rey had grown quiet, and that ever present light inside her seemed dimmed. She avoided his glances, and didn’t greet him with a cheery hello whenever she saw him anymore._ _

__“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” Ben muttered to himself as he walked through the park to clear his mind._ _

__This was his fault, but he wasn’t exactly sure how. Had all that care after the party been inappropriate? Did he somehow pressure her into kissing him? Ben replayed the events of the past week about a hundred times in his head, but without talking to Rey and risking his own feelings coming to light, he wasn’t sure if he would ever get an answer._ _

__When Ben finally arrived back home he felt better, slightly. He poured himself a glass of whiskey and settled in to read a book in order to finally relax, when he got a text from Rey._ _

__-“Hey! I’m bringing someone home in a bit! Just a heads up!!”_ _

__Ben stared at the text for a long time, as if it wasn’t even real. This was a system they agreed on when they first moved in together. Bringing people home was fine, so long as you let the other person know so they could clear out. At the time, they had Ben meant what he said, he didn’t care who she brought back. Now, a sharp pain cut through him at the thought of Rey with someone else._ _

__Wow, what a piece of absolute shit you are. His brain told him. She’s not your property._ _

__Ben sighed and rubbed his temples. He was mad, but not at her. Rey could do what she wanted with who she wanted, he didn’t have the right to be mad at her. Who he was really mad at was himself. Maybe if he had been honest with how he felt, maybe if he had just went for it, maybe if he had asked Poe for advice, maybe she would have felt the same way, maybe they could have worked it out, maybe it was too late now, maybe he just lost the chance at something incredible, maybe…_ _

__A key slid into the front door._ _

__Ben grabbed the bottle of whiskey and lept from the couch to bolt into his room before he was discovered. Just as he closed the door to his bedroom, the front door opened, and he could hear Rey and another woman talking in low voices as they walked down the hall._ _

__He thought about turning up music or a movie in his room, but he paused with his hand hovering over his laptop. Ben didn’t want to be a total asshole, Rey didn’t deserve that. Also, there was a part of him, a very sick and fucked up part, that was a little curious._ _

__Rey apparently wasted no time in getting down to business, because just then a particularly loud cry of pleasure came from the other side of the wall, followed by another...and another._ _

__Ben wavered in the middle of his room trying to decide if he should leave the apartment as a whole, or just put a podcast on and try to ignore this? He was pretty sleepy, maybe he could just fall asleep and ignore-_ _

__“Oh god!” Rey cried out._ _

__Ben pinched the bridge of his nose and looked down at the floor. Every passing second only made him feel worse. He felt rude and dumb in equal measure for listening to this. Ben desperately, hopelessly wanted it to be him getting Rey to make those noises, to feel that good, and because of that, he felt pretty shitty standing there, listening to someone else do just that._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__So, that was the long, sad, stupid saga of how Ben Solo, self-proclaimed loner and student voted “most likely to join the dark side” in high school came to be lying on his bed, drinking glass after glass of whiskey, true crime podcast playing in his ears in a desperate attempt not to overhear his roommate, let’s face it, crush, having sex with someone else._ _

__Ben mostly had regrets leading up to this point, mostly regrets about himself. But, as painful as this moment was, and as miserable as Ben felt, he couldn’t bring himself to regret living with Rey. The last few months had been weird, and difficult, but Ben wouldn’t trade them. He didn’t know what he would do now without waking up to the quiet sounds of Rey puttering around the apartment, or the smell of her hopelessly failed baking attempts, or the way she bit her lip when she was deep in concentration._ _

__After awhile things seemed to calm down and Ben was finally able to crawl into bed, and fall asleep._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__The next morning Ben woke up still in a bad mood, and a bit of a hangover, from the many, many things that went wrong the day before, and the many whiskies he drank to remedy it._ _

__He rubbed sleep out of his eyes, pulled on a black t-shirt, and padded to the kitchen, hoping beyond hope that Rey wasn’t-_ _

__“Hey!” She chirped at him._ _

__“Hi.” Ben walked past her and opened up the drawer where the coffee supplies were kept._ _

__“Oh, I already made coffee!”_ _

__Ben looked over Rey’s shoulder at the half-full Chemex, and tried to ignore the tousled hair and post-sex glow she had about her._ _

__“Thanks.”_ _

__Rey tilted her head and looked at Ben. “You seem grumpier than normal this morning.”_ _

__“Yeah, well I didn’t sleep great last night.”_ _

__She sipped her coffee and smiled “Sorry about that.”_ _

__“Mmm.” Ben filled his mug which read “I Like My Coffee Like I Like My Metal” and said nothing._ _

__“Yeah, she was wild. I met her on one of those dating apps I normally never use but hey, it’s 2018, right?”_ _

__“It is.” Ben wanted to run far away, but instead he lingered in the doorway between the kitchen and the hallway, pushing down the anger he felt building in him._ _

__“And, oh man, I’m just so glad I got that out of my system.”_ _

__He closed his eyes “Rey,”_ _

__“I mean, you know this, but it’s been just so long since I’ve had sex,”_ _

__“Please, I-”_ _

__“And it wasn’t like she was the best ever or anything, I don’t even know if I’ll even see her again, but just to have that release, you know?”_ _

__Ben rolled his eyes and wondered what sins he committed in a past life to deserve this. Bundy? Was he Ted Bundy in a past life? No, Stalin. Yeah, he could see himself being Stalin._ _

__“Ben? Are you ok?_ _

__“Yeah I-Actually I’m not.”_ _

__Rey sat up on the counter, her cut up sweatshirt hanging off of one shoulder. “What’s up?”_ _

__“I just had a really bad day yesterday.” He growled. Keep it together._ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__“Yeah.” Ben glared at Rey, not sure if she was being deliberately oblivious, or if she really didn’t know how she was hurting him “I met with my parents.”_ _

__“Oh! Ben I’m sorry,” She reached out and touched his shoulder, rubbing it with far too much care and affection and oh no, Ben could feel something dark building inside him. “you should have told me. We could have gotten drunk and watched a movie or something.” Keep it down, don’t let it snap, don’t let it...“You know, I’m sure they love you, but parents just don’t always know how to show it right-”_ _

__

__Snap._ _

__“Yeah?” Ben turned, and that ancient, angry part of him took control of his body for just one moment “And what would you know about that?”_ _

__As soon as he said it, the anger inside melted to regret, and Ben knew right away that he had made a mistake._ _

__Rey sat back in shock, her mouth forming a tight line, and her whole frame tensing up like he had just slapped her. In a lot of ways, he had._ _

__“Rey, I’m sorry.”_ _

__For all her fine features and delicate taste in clothing, Rey was an incredibly strong person. It took a lot to break her, to crack those mighty walls Ben knew she had built around her. One look at her face right now though, and Ben knew he had broken through and hit a nerve._ _

__“Please, I didn’t mean-”_ _

__“Wow.” Rey cut him off, a single tear slipping down her cheek “That was way out of fucking line.”_ _

__“I know. I know it was. I’m-”_ _

__“You know what?” Rey hopped off the counter and glared up at him.“Poe was right. You are an asshole.” She marched down the hall and slammed the door to her room shut._ _

__Ben leaned against the counter and swore at himself again and again. This wasn’t a funny mishap, or a drunken kiss. This was a mistake he couldn’t just take back. He had really fucked it up this time._ _

__Rey burst from her room and marched down the hall, her face redder than it had been moments ago._ _

__“Rey, can we talk?”_ _

__She grabbed her keys and opened the front door. “I’ll be back later.”_ _

__

__***_ _

__“Later” proved to be much later._ _

__Ben didn’t leave the apartment all day, just in case she came back. Hours past, the sun dragged across the sky, and he had nothing to do except sit there and think about what an absolute jackass of the highest order he was._ _

__At one point Poe texted him._ _

__-“Dude, you really messed up.”_ _

__-“I know. I know. I’m really sorry. Is she at your place now?”_ _

__-“Finn’s. I’m here. She’s upset. Can’t blame her.”_ _

__-“Me neither. I was a jerk. Is she coming back?”_ _

__-“Eventually.”_ _

__-“...Did you tell her I was an asshole before she moved in?”_ _

__-“Really? Now is when you want to bring this up?”_ _

__

__When Rey finally walked back into the apartment the sun was starting to set. Ben was sitting in the corner of the living room by the window, and Rey stilled when she saw him._ _

__They stayed like that for a while, staring at each other from across the room, until Rey finally walked across and sat down on the couch. It was a safe distance away from Ben, the opposite of the intimate space they so often shared._ _

__After a minute more of silence, Ben finally said the apology he had been working on all day._ _

__“There’s no excuse for how I acted earlier, so I’m not going to make excuses.” He sighed, her presence alone in that moment was so imposing. Ben was taller than most people, Rey very much included, but in that moment he felt hopelessly small “I also don’t expect you to forgive me, at least not anytime soon, so I’m not even going to ask for that. What I am going to say is that I’m so, so sorry Rey, and that I’ll never do it again.”_ _

__Rey seemed to regard him for some time before she spoke “Why did you say it?”_ _

__“Because I was mad, and frustrated, and not thinking clearly.” Ben shook his head “Look, I don’t want to make excuses for what I did.”_ _

__“You aren’t. I’m asking.” Rey said “Where did all that come from today? Was it really just your parents?”_ _

__Ben bit his lip “Yes, and” he sighed “Some other things too.”_ _

__“Like what?”_ _

__“Rey, I don’t this to be how I say this.”_ _

__Her eyes narrowed at him as she spoke rapidly “Well you should have thought about that before you said those horrible things.” She blinked and tilted her head “Say what?”_ _

__Ben ran a hand through his hair and sighed. He looked out the window, down at the floor, then finally back at Rey. This was is it, huh? It was really all over “I..Like you, Rey, as more than a friend.”_ _

__Rey’s eyes went wide at that._ _

__“I really, really like you, actually.” Ben continued, floodgates now open “And it’s wrong of me to feel this way, and it’s my fault, and you did nothing wrong, and you can sleep with whoever you want, and I’m not even mad at you, but I think between my parents and last night something just-”_ _

__“You like me.” Rey said the words back, like a delayed echo._ _

__“Um, yeah. A lot.”_ _

__She closed her eyes and shook her head. This was it, this was the moment Ben was going to lose her. It had been years since he had cried in front of anyone but he was about to, he could feel it. “Then why did...how come you didn’t let me ask you out?”_ _

__Wait. What?_ _

__“Huh?”_ _

__“After the party.” Rey said “I tried to ask you out the next day but you cut me off and said it was stupid or something. I thought that was you trying to keep me from asking you out.”_ _

__Ben blinked and thought back to the moment on the couch “I, wait, I thought you were...you were going to ask me out?”_ _

__“Yes!” Rey stood up and ran an hand over her face “You...like me?”_ _

__“Yes.”_ _

__“But I, Ok, I gave you a ton of signs.”_ _

__This was not at all where Ben thought the conversation was going to go “Like what?”_ _

__“Ben, I” Rey bit her lip and lowered her voice “I told you I wanted to sleep with you.”_ _

__Oh god, oh god, had she actually meant that? “You were drunk,” Ben said “I didn’t want to take advantage of that. I didn’t even know if you meant what you were saying.”_ _

__Rey nodded and looked down “Ok, that makes sense.” She glanced up at him “How long?”_ _

__“What?”_ _

__“How long have you felt this way?”_ _

__“I don’t know, awhile, but I thought that you-Rey, is this really happening?”_ _

__Before Ben had time to think, Rey strode across the room, leaned over, and kissed him._ _

__It was a much better kiss than the drunken one weeks ago. It began chaste, but it didn’t take long before Rey’s lips parted, allowing Ben entrance. Their tongues glided over each other as their lips moved to devour, making wet, dirty noises that made heat pool in Ben’s stomach._ _

__Gently, he pulled Rey down into his lap where her knees framed his hips perfectly. Ben held Rey in place with one hand on her lower back, while his other slid up to finally, finally run through her hair like he had been dreaming about for weeks._ _

__When they finally pulled apart Ben’s whole body felt like it had been electrified. He looked up wide-eyed at Rey, whose hands cupped his face and whose lips were already pink and swollen from kissing._ _

__“Wow,” she whispered._ _

__“Yeah, wow.”_ _

__Rey giggled and Ben was sure he was going to get a heart attack right then and there. Warmth spread all through Ben's body, pooling in his stomach and...lower than there too. Rey pet his hair gently and said in a voice far more timid than he was used to hearing from her “You’re a very good kisser.”_ _

__Ben grinned and leaned up to whisper into the shell of her ear, suddenly emboldened “I’m good at other things too.” He blinked and caught himself “That is, I mean, if you want to-”_ _

__Rey kissed him again, gently tugging on his hair “I do. I really do.”_ _

__“Ok, ok” Ben breathed into her neck “Fuck, Rey.”_ _

__“Ben…”_ _

__He pulled back and looked at her, the setting sun cast a gold light on her face, highlighting the tiny freckles she always tried to cover up for some reason, and making him fall even harder for her than he already had “Rey, I feel like we should...should we talk about this?”_ _

__Rey glanced down “Ben, I’ve known I was attracted to you since the first month I moved in.”_ _

__“And the fact that we’re roommates,” Ben hated that he was bringing up any of this, but he already broke Rey’s heart once that day and he wasn’t about to do it again “that won’t make it complicated? Or weird? I don’t want to mess things up with you.”_ _

__Rey smiled and kissed his forehead. “I like you, Ben, and I have for a while, and I don’t know if we’re gonna mess things up or not but” she ran a hand through his hair “I really, really want to at least try.”_ _

__“Ok, me too.” He leaned in and kissed her again, this time hovering just above her mouth “And, sex.”_ _

__“Yes?” Rey huffed a laugh, her breath tickling Ben’s face._ _

__“How do you want to do this? What stuff are you into, I mean?”_ _

__Rey’s normally sweet smile turned devilish “Oh, so you are kinky afterall.” She glanced down and played with the collar of his shirt. “I always kind of hoped you were.”_ _

__“Jesus, Rey-” Ben could feel his dick twitch at her words, and his hands gripped her tighter instinctively._ _

__“Ben,” Rey held his face in her hands “there’s a lot I want to do with you, but right now I want you to take me back to my room and fucking rail me.”_ _

__Ben didn’t need to be told that twice._ _

__He let his hands slide from Rey’s waist to her ass, where he gripped tightly as he stood up. Rey wrapped her legs around his hips, while her arms circled his neck, and let out a laugh as he carried her through the small apartment, and into her bedroom._ _

__Ben let Rey down gently onto the bed, and went to turn on the overhead light, when Rey stopped him._ _

__“Wait,” She grabbed his wrist before turning to flip a switch by her bed. A string of surprisingly bright, yet warm twinkle lights illuminated the area around Rey’s bed. They highlighted the many hanging vines and potted plants she kept around her headboard, making the whole place seem magical, almost otherworldly.  
“I’ve thought about this.” The words seemed to slip from Rey’s mouth without her meaning it, and she held a hand to her mouth as soon as she said it._ _

__Ben leaned over her “I have too.” He kissed her, first on the forehead, then on the mouth “There weren’t Christmas lights in my fantasy, but fuck, Rey, I’ve thought about this too.”_ _

__Rey rose up onto her knees and placed her hands on Ben’s wide chest. “And in those fantasies, what were we doing?”_ _

__His hands slid down to cup her breasts, massaging them gently before moving lower to play with the hem of her shirt “Well, first of all, you were wearing way less clothing.”_ _

__Rey reached down and pulled her shirt over her head in one swift motion. “Like this?”_ _

__“You’re gonna fucking kill me, you know that?” Ben leaned over, kissing Rey between her breasts and smiling as she let out a shaky breath. Rey pulled back and scooted back on the bed to where she could rest her head on one of her many pillows. Ben followed eagerly, bending over her and caging her in by resting his arms on either side of her body._ _

__They began kissing again, this time more fiercely. Ben’s hands groped at Rey’s breasts through her grey bra, thumb circling her hardening nipples through the thin fabric, eliciting moans and sighs he gladly ate up. Slowly, he slipped a hand behind her back and unhooked the garment with only a little bit of fumbling._ _

__Rey sat up and tossed the bra to the side. A smile grew across her face as Ben looked down to admire her._ _

__“You’re beautiful.” He said, hands moving down her sides to hold onto her hips._ _

__“So are you, big guy.”_ _

__“Yeah?”_ _

__Rey rolled her eyes and ran her hands along Ben’s shoulders. “You’re kidding, right?”_ _

__Rey’s hands slid under Ben’s shirt and up his back, causing him to pull it over his head and toss it to the floor amid the growing pile of discarded clothes. “Ben,” she said, looking reverently up at him “I’ll have you know you are very, very hot.”_ _

__A blush bloomed across Ben’s face, which around anyone else would have made him exponentially more embarrassed, but with Rey, it felt nice, warm. “In your fantasies,” Ben said, hand giving a small, teasing pinch to one of Rey’s nipples “What am I doing?”_ _

__Rey ran her hands down Ben’s chest, admiring his softly defined muscles “In my mind, you love eating me out.” She looked up into his eyes “I hope to god I’m right.”_ _

__“You are.” Ben pushed Rey back gently onto the bed and pulled at her leggings, getting off one leg, then the next. Then there was her underwear which were high waisted and masculine looking and made Ben’s brain break in half. She was so hot, Rey would be the death of him, he knew it._ _

__He planted his hands on either side of her head, framing her before leaning down to place a kiss on those lips Ben was still so shocked he got to kiss._ _

__After a minute of making out, Ben moved to kissing Rey’s cheek, to giving a playful bite to her ear._ _

__Rey let out a gasp at that, which turned to a hum as Ben moved lower, leaving bruises along her neck as he sucked on her delicate skin. When he reached the place where Rey’s neck met her collarbone, Ben bit hard, making Rey cry out._ _

__“Sorry!” He quickly apologized, kissing the same spot gently._ _

__“No, it’s good” she smiled at him “keep going.”_ _

__Ben laughed again her skin and contributed his journey south, lapping at her breasts, hands moving down her stomach to slip under her waistband and tease at her most sensitive spot. Rey gasped at the sudden contact, causing Ben to smile against her ribcage. She lifted up her legs and Ben peeled her underwear off in one swift motion. His hand returned to where it had been moments before, thumb circling her clit in slow motions that had Rey writhing underneath him before long. After Ben inserted one finger, then a second into her, Rey’s panting turned to moaning._ _

__“Please,” She managed to get out, sweat beading on her forehead “move f-faster.”_ _

__“What’s that?” Ben’s hand stilled as he shot a teasing grin Rey’s way._ _

__“Oh fuck,” Rey rolled her eyes “you asshole. Just-ah!”_ _

__Ben removed his hand but moved quickly moved down Rey’s body to bury his head between her legs. Rey cursed above him as his tongue darted out, lapping a rhythm over her clit with slowly greater intensity. Slowly, he moved one hand to rub the back of Rey’s leg appreciatively, before moving it up to hold her hips in place. His other hand, Ben teased his index finger at her entrance before inserting it slowly and curling it up._ _

__“Ben-ah!” His tongue moved faster as he felt Rey move closer and closer to completion. Her hand tangled in his hair as she let out one final cry, and her whole body stilled. Ben worked her through it, giving her long, languid licks as he rubbed her stomach._ _

__“I came.” She said in barely more than a whisper, her chest heaving._ _

__Ben moved back up her body, placing kisses on his way up before finally capturing her mouth in his._ _

__“Rey,” He said, touching their foreheads together “You’re so goddamned hot.”_ _

__She chuckled and looked down, “You are too.” Rey leaned up to kiss him again “I have condoms in my bedside table._ _

__Fuck, this was happening. Ben smiled and gave Rey one last peck on the cheek before rolling over to grab a condom from the small table. He made quick work of his pants and briefs before kneeling up to rip open the foil wrapper._ _

__Before he did, though, he caught Rey gazing up at him, eyes a little wide._ _

__“Everything ok?”_ _

__Rey glanced up at him, then down at him, then up again. “Yeah, yeah, it’s just” She laughed “damn, every part of you is big huh?”_ _

__Ben looked away sheepishly. He sometimes hated his large, gawky size, but he had to admit it had its benefits. “Um, yeah, it is” he hadn’t had sex with a woman in so long, he had almost forgotten how to have this conversation. “Is that going to be a problem?”_ _

__Rey reached forward to rub his hip reassuringly, her eyes still heavy from her orgasam. “Far from it, you just gotta take it slow at first, ok big boy?”_ _

__Ben rolled his eyes but placed his hand over hers “You got it.” With that he rolled on the condom and moved to line up their bodies. Rey’s legs parted willingly, eagerly for him and christ, she was so small, so much more delicate and lithe than he was, but something about it worked. They didn’t feel mismatched, they felt like two pieces of a puzzle, one completing the other, perfect together._ _

__Slowly, carefully he pushed inside. Ben made sure to memorize the gasp Rey made as he first entered her, carefully studied the way the shuddered and hummed as he sunk deeper and deeper into her. Somewhere in the back of his brain there was still a part of him totally convinced that this was all going to be over tomorrow, that he would wake up to find this had all been a dream._ _

__When their hips were finally flush together, Ben waited for Rey’s signal to move, wanting to give her body time to stretch and accommodate all of him. After a moment her eyes opened, and she nodded at him._ _

__Ben moved, slowly at first like Rey had asked him, but it didn’t take long for something to take ahold of him, some deep, primal part that wanted Ben to lose himself to this feeling that Rey was giving him._ _

__“Ow,” She let out in the tiniest voice as Ben hit a part deep within her body._ _

__“What?” He stilled over her, brushing away hair from her face. “Everything ok?”_ _

__“Yeah, it’s a good ‘ow’” Rey kissed into the palm of his hand “Keep going.”_ _

__And he did. Ben leaned up to put more weight on his hands as he let his head fall into the crook of Rey’s neck. Before long, he was back to a rhythm, and eating up the soft mewling noises Rey was making under him. Just before he reached his peak, before blacking out to everything except pleasure, Ben whispered Rey’s name back into her ear like a prayer, before finally surrendering._ _

__

__***_ _

__

__“Before we start...this,” Rey said “I want to apologize for something, too.”_ _

__After the sex, and after the sappy post-coital cuddling that involved plenty of soft touches and even softer kisses, Ben and Rey both realized that they hadn’t eaten a thing that day._ _

__Luckily there was a tiny Mexican restaurant on the corner of their block that was still open. The inside was all brick and brightly colored tables, lit by candles and even more string lights than Rey had in her room. They chose a booth in the back and sat next to each other on one side._ _

__“Apologize for what?”_ _

__Rey bit her lip and looked down. “The girl I brought home last night, and how loud we were, and the way I talked about it today,” She sighed “that was all me lashing out too. In a really shitty, passive aggressive way.”_ _

__Ben blinked “How so?”_ _

__“I was really, really upset after I thought you weren’t into me.” Rey played with the corner of a napkin “And I wanted to get back at you, make you hurt. I just want to say I was being a jackass and I’m sorry.”_ _

__Ben actually laughed a little at that “Apology accepted.” He gave her hand a rub, still amazed that he could actually do that, not just fuck her, not just kiss her, but have moments like this too, simple, intimate moments he hadn’t really had with anyone before. “I’m glad we’re not fighting anymore.”_ _

__“Oh, we’ll probably fight again if you’re late on rent again this month.” Rey looked at him, smiling when Ben’s eyes went wide. “I’m joking. I’m glad this is happening, too.”_ _

__Ben leaned down to kiss her, her hand coming up to tug just a bit on his hair. “Hey,” he said “Do you want to get out of her?”_ _

__Rey smiled and winked “Your place or mine?”_ _

**Author's Note:**

> :D
> 
> Hope you all liked it! Here are some notes:
> 
> -I have this head cannon that modern AU Ben is really into things like Aleister Crowley and the occult because it's -edgy- and the closest thing you can get to the Dark Side in our world. 
> 
> -I said this was my first straight fic but I couldn't help but gay it up where I could :)))


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